What I Gave My Kid Instead of a Smartphone / 我給孩子的東西，而非智慧型手機

Author: Anastasia Basil Published: Source: https://humanparts.medium.com/what-i-gave-my-kid-instead-of-a-smartphone-27c0f028ea78 Fetched: 2026-06-07T02:34:34.705015

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What I Gave My Kid Instead of a Smartphone / 我給孩子的東西，而非智慧型手機

After seeing things on social media no parent could unsee, I decided to do something about it / 在社群媒體上看見任何家長都無法當作沒看過的東西後，我決定有所作為

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Illustration: cosmaa/Getty Images

插圖：cosmaa/Getty Images

A year ago, I spent months undercover on the popular video-making app, Musical.ly. (It’s since been renamed TikTok.) My commitment to using the app as an engrossed child, and not a mildly interested adult, led me into a social network where kids as young as eight sexually objectify themselves. I found hundreds of self-harm videos that showed suicide options — bathtubs filling, images of blades, a child’s voice saying she didn’t want to live anymore. It only got worse from there.

一年前，我花了好幾個月臥底在熱門的影片製作應用程式 Musical.ly 上（它後來改名為 TikTok）。我堅持以一個沉迷其中的孩子、而非興趣不大的成年人身分去使用這個應用程式，這帶我進入一個連年僅八歲的孩子都將自己性物化 (sexually objectify) 的社群網路。我找到了數百則自殘 (self-harm) 影片，呈現各種自殺方式——注滿水的浴缸、刀片的影像、一個孩子說她不想再活下去的聲音。從那裡開始，情況只有越來越糟。

Nearly every kid in my daughter’s fifth-grade class was using Musical.ly to film themselves or each other. Parents insisted the app was harmless fun. (And it can be — initially.) I was prepared for my findings to be met with silence. No one will ever read this, I said to my husband as I published the resulting article, it’s way too long. Parents don’t have time to dive into this sewage. I went to bed that night acutely aware that I’d spent the last few months pushing a Sisyphean boulder up a mountain only to, probably, discover it sitting at the bottom again come morning.

我女兒五年級班上幾乎每個孩子都在用 Musical.ly 拍攝自己或彼此。家長們堅稱這個應用程式只是無害的樂趣。（一開始確實可以是如此。）我已經做好心理準備，我的發現會迎來一片沉默。不會有人讀這篇的，當我發表那篇成果文章時，我對丈夫說，它實在太長了。家長沒時間深入鑽研這灘汙水。 那一晚我入睡時清楚地意識到，我花了過去幾個月把一顆薛西弗斯 (Sisyphean) 般的巨石推上山，結果到了早晨，很可能會發現它又滾回山底。

Wow. Was I ever wrong. Not only did parents dive into the sewage with me, they continue to sort through it even now, bringing to light things I missed a year ago. The article has now been read and shared by millions of people across the globe. The lesson I learned? Don’t do nothing just because you can’t do everything.

哇。我真是大錯特錯。家長們不僅與我一同深入這灘汙水，他們直到現在仍持續地梳理它，揭露出一年前我所遺漏的東西。這篇文章如今已被全球數百萬人閱讀並分享。我學到的教訓是什麼？別因為你無法做到所有事，就什麼都不做。

Since publication, the question I’m most often asked is: Did you buckle under pressure and give your daughter a smartphone for middle school, or did you strap some old soup cans to her body and tell her to shake wildly if she needs to reach you? The answer: I bought her a Gizmo Gadget watch. I call her, she calls me. I can text and send reminders from my smartphone to her watch, for which I pay a monthly fee of $5. She can text back limited characters. She can also leave me voice messages, which she sometimes does in whisper-screams from school: “You packed me apples again! Everyone else gets Doritos. This needs to STOP!”

自從文章發表以來，我最常被問到的問題是：你是不是在壓力下屈服，給女兒買了智慧型手機上中學，還是在她身上綁了幾個舊湯罐頭，叫她需要聯絡你時就拼命搖晃？答案是：我給她買了一支 Gizmo Gadget 手錶。我可以打給她，她可以打給我。我可以從我的智慧型手機傳訊息和提醒到她的手錶上，這項服務我每月付五美元。她可以回傳有字數限制的訊息。她也可以留語音訊息給我，有時候她會在學校用氣音尖叫的方式留言：「你又幫我裝蘋果了！其他人都有多力多滋。這必須停止！」

Don’t do nothing just because you can’t do everything.

別因為你無法做到所有事，就什麼都不做。

I’m not sure how long she’ll have the watch, but it’s been the perfect device for our needs since she started school last fall. I’ve also been looking at “dumb” phones, which are intentionally limited in features and non-addictive.

我不確定她會用這支手錶多久，但自從去年秋天她開學以來，它一直是最符合我們需求的完美裝置。我也一直在關注「笨」手機 (dumb phones)，這類手機刻意限制功能、不會讓人成癮。

That question is one of dozens I’ve received about raising kids who abstain from social media. (I don’t like the word abstain, it sounds like asbestos. Let’s say opt-out.) After talking and emailing with hundreds of parents over the past year, I’ve compiled the most common questions:

那個問題只是我收到關於養育遠離社群媒體孩子的眾多問題之一。（我不喜歡 abstain（戒絕）這個字，它聽起來像 asbestos（石棉）。我們就說 opt-out（選擇退出）吧。）在過去一年與數百位家長交談與通信之後，我整理出了最常見的問題：

By opting out, does your daughter feel cut off from her friends? / 選擇退出後，你女兒會覺得與朋友斷了聯繫嗎？

No. She has her own iPad and texts from there. And no, she can’t secretly download social media apps because the iPad is technically mine, controlled by my thumbprint. When she wants an app, she walks her iPad over to me and says, “Can I get this?” and then I use my thumbprint to get it for her. Safari is not enabled on the iPad; instead, she FaceTimes, texts, and plays loads of games. The best part is that it doesn’t fit in her back pocket, so it’s not with her everywhere she goes. It stays home, like a heavy Zenith TV from the old days. Sometimes we even set a bowl of fruit on top of it as decor.

不會。她有自己的 iPad，可以從上面傳訊息。而且不會，她沒辦法偷偷下載社群媒體應用程式，因為這台 iPad 嚴格來說是我的，由我的指紋控制。當她想要某個應用程式時，她會把 iPad 拿到我面前說：「我可以裝這個嗎？」然後我用指紋幫她下載。這台 iPad 沒有啟用 Safari；取而代之的是，她用 FaceTime、傳訊息，還有玩一大堆遊戲。最棒的一點是它放不進她的後口袋，所以它不會跟著她到處跑。它待在家裡，就像以前那種笨重的 Zenith 電視機。有時候我們甚至會在它上面放一碗水果當裝飾。

How do I tell a 12-year-old to opt-out in a world where even eight-year-olds have Instagram accounts? / 在一個連八歲孩子都有 Instagram 帳號的世界裡，我該怎麼叫一個十二歲的孩子選擇退出？

Instagram accounts receive clusters of “follow requests” from porn bots. There’s isn’t much you can do to prevent that — even if your child’s account is private — but here’s what you can do: tell your kid to forget she ever read that offer to “text and F@*! ugly girls here,” then try not to think about the profile image that will forever live in her list of “blocked accounts.” Or — and I know this is going to sound crazy but stay with me here — just say no to Instagram? (If you need more convincing, read this. It’s by a child psychiatrist.)

Instagram 帳號會收到一堆來自色情機器人 (porn bots) 的「追蹤請求」。你能做的不多，無法阻止這種事——即使你孩子的帳號設為私人——但你可以這麼做：告訴你的孩子忘掉她曾讀到的那則「在這裡傳訊息並上醜女孩」的邀約，然後試著別去想那張將永遠存在於她「封鎖帳號」清單裡的個人頭像。或者——我知道這聽起來很瘋狂，但請聽我說——乾脆對 Instagram 說不？（如果你需要更多說服，讀這篇。這是一位兒童精神科醫師寫的。）

The goal is not to make your kid feel like a lone wolf howling beneath a black sky with nary the warm glow of a screen to keep her warm. The goal is to grow her pack. There’s strength and solidarity in numbers. If her closest friends opt-out too, it might be easier. Need help recruiting her friends’ parents to the cause? Officer Gomez is an SRO (a Student Resource Officer) at a middle school. He is a police officer trained to protect children from school shooters, predators, bullies, drugs, cybercrimes, and the big one: their own stupidity. I watched the below video, mouth agape, barely pausing to breathe, let alone eat the salty snacks I’d brought into bed with my laptop.

目標不是要讓你的孩子覺得自己像一匹孤狼，在漆黑的天空下嚎叫，連一絲螢幕的溫暖光芒都沒有來陪伴她取暖。目標是壯大她的群體。人多就有力量與團結。如果她最要好的朋友也一起選擇退出，事情或許會容易一些。需要協助招募她朋友的家長加入這個行列嗎？Gomez 警官是一所中學的 SRO（學生資源警官，Student Resource Officer）。他是一名受過訓練、保護孩童免於校園槍手、性掠食者、霸凌者、毒品、網路犯罪，以及最重要的一項：他們自己愚蠢行為的警察。我看著下面那支影片，張著嘴巴，幾乎沒空停下來呼吸，更別說吃我帶到床上、放在筆電旁邊的鹹零食了。

Start watching seven minutes in. Follow his Facebook page. This SRO is doing heroic work. He needs his own comic book and origin story from DC. I’ve got a byline for the blockbuster: Officer Gomez, not just a cop from Idaho.

從第七分鐘開始看起。追蹤他的 Facebook 專頁。這位 SRO 做著英雄般的工作。他值得 DC 為他出一本專屬漫畫和起源故事。我已經想好這部大片的標語了：Gomez 警官，不只是個來自愛達荷州的警察。

Does your 11-year-old beg you for a smartphone? / 你十一歲的孩子會央求你買智慧型手機嗎？

Yes. She also begs for a new puppy, but I’m fairly certain her life isn’t ruined because we only have one dog. When the begging starts, I remind my daughter that some parents won’t allow slime-making in the house. I’m the mom who buys slime-making material in bulk. I let her friends come over and destroy my house with slime. I try to say yes more than no when it comes to most age-appropriate (albeit annoying) interests a preteen might have — yes, even those that come in app form. For example, I say yes to art iPad apps, even if they cost money. There are some very cool drawing apps out there. I drew this weird guy with my finger using a free app called Paper by FiftyThree:

會。她也央求要養一隻新小狗，但我相當確定她的人生不會因為我們只養一隻狗就毀了。當央求開始時，我會提醒女兒，有些家長不准在家裡製作史萊姆 (slime)。我是那種會大量採購史萊姆材料的媽媽。我讓她的朋友來家裡，用史萊姆摧毀我的房子。對於一個青春期前的孩子可能會有的、大多數適齡（儘管惱人）的興趣，我盡量多說 好、少說 不——是的，甚至包括那些以應用程式形式出現的。舉例來說，我會對 iPad 上的藝術應用程式說好，即使它們要花錢。市面上有一些非常酷的繪圖應用程式。我用一個叫做 Paper by FiftyThree 的免費應用程式，用手指畫了這個怪傢伙：

Since you’re not dropping hundreds on a smartphone with monthly data fees, consider spending $20 on a drawing stylus. My daughter sketched the drawing below using a stylus on a $10 app called Procreate, which I said yes to because I’m the BEST MOM EVER (according to her, after I greenlit the purchase).

既然你不會花上數百美元買一支還要付每月數據費的智慧型手機，不妨考慮花二十美元買一支繪圖觸控筆。我女兒用觸控筆在一個十美元的應用程式 Procreate 上畫了下面這幅畫，而我之所以同意，是因為我是史上最棒的媽媽（這是她說的，就在我點頭批准這筆購買之後）。

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And if your kid losesthe stylus, no need to pull a Heath Ledger Joker Face. He didn’t lose a $700 smartphone. I feel bad for kids who carry around that kind of responsibility. Children used to want ponies but we didn’t burden them with the responsibility of caring for one: “Timmy, this pony is your responsibility. If you lose it or it dies, my wrath will destroy you psychologically. Do you understand?” Timmy gulps, nods.

而且如果你的孩子弄丟了觸控筆，也不需要擺出希斯·萊傑 (Heath Ledger) 飾演小丑那種扭曲的表情。他弄丟的又不是一支七百美元的智慧型手機。我很同情那些得隨身扛著那種責任的孩子。孩子們以前也想要小馬，但我們並沒有把照顧牠的責任加諸在他們身上：「Timmy，這匹小馬是 你的 責任。如果你弄丟牠或牠死了，我的怒火會在心理上把你摧毀。你懂嗎？」Timmy 嚥了口口水，點點頭。

Another way to compensate for being the meanest mom in the world is to give your kid an “art desk.”I bought ours at IKEA for 50 bucks. It’s big and plain and looks like a table. (Important note: We live in a small house. Seriously. Our house is super small. The desk is like an extended member of the family.) I keep it stocked with unusual art supplies, which continue to be more affordable than a smartphone. When my daughter’s friends come over, they gravitate toward the desk. Everything is right there, within reach.

另一種彌補自己身為全世界最壞媽媽的方法，是給你的孩子一張「藝術桌」。我們這張是在 IKEA 花五十美元買的。它又大又樸素，看起來就像一張桌子。（重要提醒：我們住在一間小房子裡。真的。我們的房子超級小。這張桌子簡直像家裡的一位延伸成員。）我在上面備齊了各種不尋常的美術用品，而這些仍然比一支智慧型手機便宜。當我女兒的朋友來訪時，他們都會被這張桌子吸引過去。所有東西都在那裡，伸手可及。

Why an art desk? Kids are often bored, aimless, and lost in a fog of their own misery. An art desk is the clink clank clink of a distant carnival tune. It draws them out of the fog and into a candy land of gel pens, mod podge, acrylics, watercolor markers, and coloring books full of farting cats. Preteens are “all in” when it comes to adorably flatulent Kawaii kitties. Art is something to do. Isn’t that what social media is, too? You don’t have to be good at either to pass the time, but I’m fairly confident working with messy, raw materials to create something beats chasing rainbows in the shallows of social media.

為什麼要藝術桌？孩子們經常感到無聊、漫無目的、迷失在自己悲慘情緒的迷霧之中。藝術桌就像遠方嘉年華曲調傳來的 叮叮噹噹 聲。它把他們從迷霧中引出來，帶進一個由凝膠筆、拼貼膠 (mod podge)、壓克力顏料、水彩麥克筆，以及滿是放屁貓的著色本所組成的糖果樂園。一講到可愛又愛放屁的卡哇伊 (Kawaii) 小貓咪，青春期前的孩子們可是「全心投入」。藝術是一件 可以做 的事。社群媒體不也是這樣嗎？你不需要擅長其中任何一項就能打發時間，但我相當有把握，動手處理那些雜亂、原始的材料來創造出某樣東西，遠勝過在社群媒體的淺灘裡追逐彩虹。

Shouldn’t I prepare my children for the real world? Wouldn’t it be better if they learned how to be safe on Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, and other social media apps now? / 難道我不該為孩子的真實世界做準備嗎？如果他們現在就學會如何在 Snapchat、Instagram、TikTok 及其他社群媒體應用程式上保護自己，不是更好嗎？

Do you let your 10-year-old drive the car around town so she’s prepared to drive the highways when she’s 16? We don’t have to prepare our 10-year-old for being 13 or 16. We can just let her be 10.

你會讓你十歲的孩子開車在鎮上到處跑，好讓她在十六歲時做好上高速公路的準備嗎？我們不必為了讓十歲的孩子準備好面對十三歲或十六歲。我們可以就讓她當個十歲的孩子。

Kids don’t belong to parents. Their childhood is on loan to us. It’s our job to raise the kid part the best we can, and then they’re supposed to take it from there. It’s an extraordinary responsibility, isn’t it? To be entrusted with another person’s handful of childhood years. We want to raise our kids to be self-directed, strong, independent thinkers. Social media prompts them to over-examinethe lives of their friends, enemies, celebrities, YouTubers, and an endless parade of strangers and porn bots. The result of this constant “examining” can leave a child feeling empty, or worse: not pretty or funny or talented or well-liked enough. Social media isn’t a game kids play, it’s an online identity they cultivate.

孩子不屬於父母。他們的童年是借給我們的。我們的工作是盡我們所能把「童年」這部分養育好，然後他們就該從那裡接手下去。這是一份非凡的責任，不是嗎？被託付了另一個人僅有的那幾年童年歲月。我們想把孩子養育成能自我導向、堅強、獨立思考的人。社群媒體卻促使他們過度審視朋友、敵人、名人、YouTuber，以及一長串無止盡的陌生人和色情機器人的生活。這種不斷「審視」的結果，可能讓一個孩子感到空虛，或者更糟：覺得自己不夠漂亮、不夠有趣、不夠有才華、不夠受歡迎。社群媒體不是孩子玩的遊戲，而是他們所經營的一種網路身分 (online identity)。

If you haven’t yet handed over the social media keys to your kids, stay strong. We got this, parents. We can do this.

如果你還沒把社群媒體的鑰匙交到孩子手上，請堅持下去。我們做得到的，各位家長。我們可以做到。